"All the warning signs were there, I was just too clueless and too enamored to notice."
"I go to follow, but Christian clutches my elbow, bringing me to an abrupt halt. 'When were you going to tell me you were leaving?' he asks urgently. His tone is soft, but he's masking his anger. 'I'm not leaving, I'm going to see my mother, and I was only thinking about it.' 'What about our arrangement?' 'We don't have an arrangement yet.' He narrows his eyes, and then seems to remember himself. Releasing my hand, he takes my elbow and leads me out of the room. 'This conversation is not over,' he whispers threateningly as we enter the dining room."
"His tone is quiet and deadly."
"...for my pleasure, not yours.'..."'This is mine,' he whispers aggressively. 'All mine. Do you understand?'"
"I shrug, trapped. I don't want to lose him. In spite of all his demands, his need to control, his scary vices, I have never felt as alive as I do now. It's a thrill to be sitting here beside him. He's so unpredictable, sexy, smart, and funny. But his moods... oh--and he wants to hurt me. He says he'll think about my reservations, but it still scares me. I close my eyes. What can I say? Deep down I would just like more, more affection, more playful Christian, more...love."
"This man, whom I once thought of as a romantic hero, a brave shining white night--or the dark night, as he said. He's not a hero; he's a man with serious, deep emotional flaws, and he's dragging me into the dark. Can I not guide him into the light?"
"I become aware that once again the only empty seat is beside me. I shake my head as the thought crosses my mind that Christian might have purchased the adjacent seat so that I couldn't talk to anyone. I dismiss the idea as ridiculous--no one could be that controlling, that jealous, surely."
"Inside my subconscious relaxes and then collapses, slumped into an old battered armchair. 'Were you nervous about asking me?' 'Yes. How can you tell?' 'Anastasia, your whole body's just relaxed,' he says dryly. 'Well, you seem to be, um... on the jealous side.' 'Yes, I am,' he says darkly. 'And you'd do well to remember that...'"
Makes a great "love story" doesn't it? Yeah, I have lived this story several times. How and why women find this not only acceptable, but ROMANTIC??? A wonderful story that they fantasize about? Good lords, I can send you in the direction of a few men that will beat the hell out of you, tell you the next day that they love you, that it will never happen again--just forgive them, accept these material gifts, while they make meaningless promises. Live your life in fear, hide your bruises, lie to your friends and family, hide your shame, destroy your self-worth.
In an era where we strive to teach women to be independent, to not feel as though they need to rely on a man--screwed. In a world where we have strived to teach people that they can not change their partners, that showing love to an abusive partner isn't going to fix them--screwed. In a world where we have forgotten how to listen to our instincts but instead look at the outer package and take things at face value--screwed. So yeah, I guess maybe I did feel as though there was a good screwing that came with these books--maybe not the type that the author meant to inspire.
To sum the books up as whole: jealous stalker type wants girl. Girl isn't into his life style but wants a romantic, dream guy to come along, marry her and bear children with her. Jealous stalker guy is hot and has money, so she goes for it despite knowing that it is a bad idea. Jealous stalker guy learns to not only give up what turns him on but develops an interest in "vanilla sex" with an inexperienced virgin to please her. (Yes, hello! This is why working with sex offenders is SO SUCCESSFUL--because you can completely change what turns you on and what you are attracted to. Tomorrow, I think I shall convince my partner that he is attracted to trees just to test this theory. I bet that is possible, too). The exes that he has had, that were into his lifestyle and would normally remain competition because they were capable of meeting his sexual needs (that you have barely tapped into, let alone soothed the itch)? They are no longer issues because they are either crazy or evil--so they will just conveniently disappear. This will also remove any attachment his family may have had to them, further paving your way. Eventually he will not only marry you, but he will also be your baby daddy and will love filling both roles. You won. He has changed from the potential abuser to a rich, handsome, prince charming--yay!!! The End. Happily ever after. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
But the sex is good? Still not worth it...
And as a side note here, I was referring to the sex with the abusive men that I have had in my own personal life. Yes, I sometimes stayed longer than I should have because the sex was indeed good (well, in the six-year relationship, at least). The sex scenes in these books? Yeah, I'll take a Clive Barker or Tom Robbins sex scene any day. Out of all three books? One scene that almost made it for me. Again, I emphasize ALMOST.
