What I've learned from my current life situation--not to spend as much, fewer material items. I would rather use my money for adventures than more stuff to clutter my home area. Home should be home and not only welcoming for self but also for others to visit. People/time with friends matter more than having a place to store a bunch of stuff.
When I got sick January 6th, 2021, my world as I knew it flipped upside down. Add a pandemic onto being so ill that I was often surprised to wake up in the morning and you will find my recipe for emotional well-being disaster. Previously, I had a Reiki studio in my home--I got rid of that with the pandemic since the last thing I wanted during a pandemic was people coming into my home. I also got rid of my "living room" in lieu of a space better suited to what I needed at the time and I essentially turned our living room into a giant closet. No couch, no chairs--just clothes racks. My home went from a space that invited others in to a space that purposely kept people out. I am still living in the "cluttered", unfriendly space.
Being ill and living through a pandemic, the only "adventures" that I had from January 2021 through October 2023 were going to doctor appointments and medical testing. As a result, those were also my only times to dress up and to allow my creative side to emerge. I happened to find a shoe company that made "fun", comfortable, patterned shoes that matched the skirts that I made and began collecting them. As a result, I soon needed a space for these shoes, my skirts, and corsets which I also collected. I decided that due to our home's lack of closet space and wanting a fun way to "show off" my collections, I turned my living room into a space resembling a boutique so that dressing up for doctor appointments and medical testing became part of the fun and its own adventure. A side note, I still worked throughout the pandemic and my illness, but all work was completed from home--no trips to see clients, no office visits--everything I did happened online and by phone--no need for ever leaving pajamas.
Another pattern that had developed during my physical illness was engaging in frequent retail therapy as a mental boost. Since costuming for appointments and testing was important, much of my finances went in that direction as well. Now that I have quit working and am healing, I find that I have less need for the boutique energy and desire spaces in my home for greeting friends but I feel stuck since I have no closet spaces that I can redirect my shoes, skirts, and corsets into. I've also stopped my medical testing and reduced my doctor appointments from four a week down to once a month. Long story short, my home space needs have changed but I'm stuck where I am with items.
I've found myself feeling overwhelmed with what my space has become but alternatively also don't want to let go of the shoes, skirts, corsets, and accessories that I have collected. It has led to a lot of negative internal banner for allowing my space to be overrun as it is now. What I seem to forget is that this space saved me during some very low, hard times and did what it was meant to do when I needed it most. I need to give myself grace and not badger myself for doing my best during a very hard period of my life. And I also need to take the new lessons learned from it that material items shouldn't be the outlet now--now is the time to use these collections for true adventures--be they steampunk, cons, or other fun events. The house will come together with time and it will be okay. Until then I need to relax, stop beating myself up, and be kinder to my former self--she was doing her best during a scary period of life and she managed to emerge through it on the other side. In the long run, it will be fine.
