“As for mending, I think it's good to take the time to fix something rather than throw it away. It's an antidote to wastefulness and to the need for immediate gratification. You get to see a whole process through, beginning to end, nothing abstract about it. You'll always notice the fabric scar, of course, but there's an art to mending. If you're careful, the repair can actually add to the beauty of the thing because it is a testimony to its worth.” ~Elizabeth Berg - "The Art of Mending"~
I haven't read this book, but I love the quote. I love this concept, in general--whether it is mending clothing, household items, vehicles, or even relationships--if it has worth, value, and there is still love there, is it not worth trying to save it? Through no fault our own, we live in a throwaway society. We have been groomed to this place where we toss aside what would have once been fixed and repaired generations ago. Sadly, most items aren't made to last and can't even be fixed, these days--which adds to the challenge. Additionally for many, what we purchase and how often we purchase it is how success is defined--the newest phones, bigger TVs, name brands, clothing labels, new vehicles, bigger homes--we always want more, bigger, and better. Sometimes to repair something, clothing especially, somehow it is met with meaning one has less and is thus avoided in favor of the new. This makes me a bit sad--learning to mend can lead to great creativity and problem-solving skills, in addition to the obvious--less waste and the extended life of items already owned.
I grew up with very little. My clothing, being all hand-me-downs, was frequently stained, torn, ill-fitting and even in elementary school I was expected to hem my own clothing and do my own alterations--all by hand. Much of what we had in our home (and the homes themselves), my mom had to transform from broken to usable. It was our reality and while I hated it then, I am now grateful for the lessons and skills that I learned during those years. It's broken, torn, stained, has a flaw? No problem! These are challenges I am always up for and I enjoy problem-solving how to fix them. Sometimes they come out great, other times not so much--but most often I am able to find a way to make it work and for it to still be beautiful.
Sometimes the brokenness IS the appeal--throughout my yard you will find angels with broken wings, statues full of cracks, dolls that were discarded, broken arrows, waterlogged bowling balls, forgotten and unloved toys, items that were once buried on the property due to no longer having value--they have all been transformed into art. They all have purpose, meaning, and a story here. They also make my yard interesting and fun--I enjoy these items and their uniqueness--I wouldn't change any of these things. They don't need mended because their damage is what gives them character and life.
As for mending relationships, this seems to be as much of a lost art these days as mending clothing. Be it romantic, with a difficult family member, or a friendship--this can be tricky. Relationships have changed significantly over the past decades--we aren't as forgiving or tolerant of differences as we once were, we walk away sometimes with little reason, and in many ways, relationships with others are often viewed as replaceable, as well. Much like anything else in life, it depends upon the quality of the relationship as to whether it can even be repaired or if the attempts to repair it will be unsuccessful because there aren't enough strong fibers left to work with or there wasn't a strong foundation to build upon in the first place. Sometimes they can't be mended and sometimes maybe they shouldn't be mended. Sometimes the healthiest choice is to allow the relationship to dissolve, for the wellbeing of one and sometimes for the wellbeing of both parties. Other times, mending the weak points strengthens the original bonds and makes the relationship stronger.
Perhaps communication, forgiveness, and love are the best materials for mending relationships. However, I think sometimes relationships can essentially "dry-rot", as well--if they have been neglected too long, a small tear can rip the entire fabric of the relationship and sometimes the damage is irreparable. It depends, too, upon both parties--is one person expecting the other to overlook the damage done or to pretend it doesn't exist? Is the person that made the tear willing to try to repair it or do they expect the other person to do all of the work? Mending a torn relationship takes work from both parties and if one person ignores the tear, that tear will likely continue to rip until there is nothing left to work with--no matter how much love there once was or how much the other person tries to fix it. Or worse yet, when the tear is one that both sides blame the other for and they choose to rip the hole wider, instead of working together to repair it--often there is no coming back from that, either.
I know it is said that relationships are like plants, that they require regular watering to flourish--even that cactus that needs so little may eventually wither after too long without water. Attempts at mending after too much damage has been done is similar to overwatering a nearly dead plant--it's often too late.
Sometimes no amount of love or mending can fix things. Perhaps sometimes, the trickiest part is figuring out when to let go and when to keep mending...
