At 45 years old, I have my health. Despite chronic pain and other physical challenges, I am still upright. I am still mobile. I am still here. Maybe not always in the capacity that I wish, but I am still functioning physically. I am working toward improving my current vehicle and fixing what I can of these issues now.
At 45 years old, I have a wonderful husband that I love and enjoy. I have a life partner that helps me, treats me with respect, and does not intentionally hurt me--physically or mentally. I have a husband that I can count on and trust. I am aware how rare that is and greatly value this man that walks beside me.
At 45 years old, I have three stepchildren that I love. While I never pictured having children, I have enjoyed getting to know these three individuals and have enjoyed watching them grow from children into amazingly talented young adults. They are a bonus that I did not expect, but am grateful to have.
At 45 years old, I have the most amazing humans in my life. I have spent years collecting the best folks alive and am delighted by the ones that I call my friends. Good friends are such important threads in the tapestry of life--mine are strong, wonderful, beautiful, and true. I am beyond blessed for each of them.
At 45 years old, I have a wonderful group of ferrets that make me smile, laugh, and keep me sane. They may all have their own issues and quirks, but they keep my soul young and remind me why each breath that we take during this lifetime is so sacred. They are my life, my absolute joy, my passion.
At 45 years old, I have my creativity. I am able to express myself through writing, through art, through sewing, through the way I arrange the items in my house and yard--piecing them together to project my voice. I allow my creativity to serve as a form of therapy, a healing, and find it to be a great blessing in life.
At 45 years old, I have a beautiful home that I have created entirely on my own. The contents of my home make me smile, bring me joy, and comfort my soul--my home is a reflection of my life, my journeys, my being. I am surrounded by art, oddities, and an amazing property that is also filled with magic.
At 45 years old, I have a wonderful vehicle. It may be 16 years old, it may have occasional issues, but for the first time in my life, I have a mostly reliable vehicle. It has been with me through many independent journeys of great distance and has delivered me safely through my most terrifying travels, as well.
At 45 years old, I have my intellect. Despite great gaping holes that now exist in both short-term and long-term memory, I am still aware of who I am and those around me. I will continue to enjoy this as much as I can, while what I have left still remains. I will continue to work on keeping what is still present.
At 45 years old, what I don't have is a mom--she was taken away 26 years ago today. What I don't have is a dad--he never wanted a role in my life. Yet, what I do still have is me. I have great strength. I have the ability to keep moving forward. I have the many treasures above and know their value.
At 45 years old, I still have a choice. I can choose to use my past struggles and traumas to help others. I can choose to be a light to others, instead of being trapped in the darkness. I choose to succeed and be happy. I choose to value all of these positives listed above. I choose to cherish them and this life.
At 45 years old, I have the ability to appreciate this life and enjoy it. I am ever grateful for life and that I am still here to enjoy it. There were many times that I tried to end this life, but I am grateful that the universe had other plans and that I can now sit back, look up, smile, and be thankful to be here.
At 45 years old, what I have discovered is happiness. I never expected happiness during this lifetime. I was raised to believe that happiness was a myth, a lie--life events during my first three decades did their best to confirm this. My happiness is based on the contents above. Today, I choose to reflect upon them.
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