As I approach the two year anniversary of the PFA/police fiasco, I wonder about the decisions I have made.
Originally, when the threats were occurring, I was told that if my father made good on his threats, the lawsuits would be so huge I would never have to work again, that I would not only own my hundred-acre woods, but my own island. I suppose that in part, people were just trying to reduce my anxiety level; but I think overall, none of us really believed that he would do what he did.
The one gentleman was my father's friend for many years and was also my defender through the PFA process. When my father came onto my property and made his threats, I finally had enough and called this friend to talk to my father. My father's response was, "Well, he was a good man at one time. I haven't seen him for many years; who knows what he is now." And the harassment continued.
The other gentleman was my employer and knows the mental health system forward and backwards. He was also my ride home after the police delivered me for my "evaluation." He continued to assure me that the lawsuits would be massive; he was as outraged and upset by the situation as I was. He was privy to the entire PFA situation and the issues with my father, so when my father initially called the agency attempting to start problems, my employer put him in his place. "I can not disclose if she works here or not. If you would like to know where your daughter works, I suggest you ask her." Case closed. After the events, he also introduced me to his attorney and explained the situation and mental health laws to him, with the potential for a case.
Perhaps most outstanding about my employer was how he stood by me through the situation. He offered a shoulder for my tears. He assisted me with finding the humor and laughter in the situation. He offered me time off work until I was back on my feet--physically and mentally. He became a spiritual father during my time of need. He helped me in so many ways, above and beyond what most people would have done and he also assured me that employment was still available when I was ready and able to come back. He's been my employer since 2006 and it is a choice I believe was made well.
The lawsuit never came to pass. If I have not done anything with it by April 22nd, I lose my right to. Good old statute of limitations. There is part of me that still wonders if it would be possible to win. My own island? Good lords... Who doesn't dream of such? Financial security for the rest of my natural life? It would be sweet. My father being forced in a court of law to admit he lied and used his uniform and influence for ill towards his own child? I don't know. I don't think he is capable of admitting defeat or being wrong. I think it would just lead to more of the same and more statements from him that would crush me. After all, the main reason it went as far as it did was because I was disobedient and he felt he needed to reestablish his control over me. What levels would he go to if he discovered that I intended to make it all public?
I guess, too, more troubling to me is how my grandmother would handle such. She struggles so hard to keep the family together and it would be devastating to her on so many levels. I know it wouldn't sit well with my brothers either--they see much good in my father and believe he only acts in the manner he believes is for the best of the universe. Some of the other family members may find humor in the situation, pity or disbelief.
Not that the lawsuit was going to be against my father--much like suing the Red Cross, there are some things that just aren't right (but looking back, I do regret NOT getting a PFA for him, as so many recommended).
The lawsuit would actually be against the agency that allowed all of that to happen. They made so many mistakes--unbelievable screw-ups occurred to even permit the situation to take place. For one, crisis never evaluated me. They took my father's word for it that I was suicidal, homicidal and so many other pleasantries. For two, the crisis worker that my father met with was working for crisis because I was previously her supervisor at our agency and had to have her fired. Slight conflict of interest, but I am sure she enjoyed every minute of my father's sordid tale.
Funny, when I was required by the attorney to contact the faulty agency and obtain my records, I got a huge run around and the story that "they now train their employees better, so that similar situations do not occur in the future." As if that made everything alright and I should laugh it off and praise their new procedures to train their so-called crisis workers. Several months ago, when I again attempted to obtain my records, mysteriously--no record of me existed. Seems to be the case all over when my calls about this situation are placed. That, I believe is the definition of FUBAR--when no one wants to take any responsibility or even admit that the event occurred--sweeping it under the rug at its best.
Admittedly, THOSE things do make me want to continue forward with a lawsuit. What happened to me should not have happened--it involved gross negligence on many, many ends--and by not doing anything, the system wins. It will continue to consist of major screw-ups and by not doing anything, similar situations can occur to other people. If I moved forward, fought it, and won--I am betting that training for crisis workers, police officers, and many others would be a bit different. Not to say the system would now be perfect, but I am betting a lot of changes would occur. Sweeping it under the rug simply adds to my frustration with all of it. It just makes me even more determined to make the proper parties accountable for their actions. As it is now, they breathe a sigh of relief and know that they got away with a major fuck-up unscathed. But revenge is not the right answer, either.
Would I emotionally be capable of surviving the lawsuit? Facing my father and his "love" for me? It already breaks me. Even now, talking about the situation often leads to anger and tears. I don't know that I will ever be able to entirely put it behind me. I guess the biggest question: is it worth the additional pain that I would be subjecting myself to? Or am I better off dealing with it as I currently am and hoping that time will heal the wounds? I suppose there will never be an answer and no matter which path I choose, I will always wonder how the outcome could have been different. There are no easy answers, I guess...
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