Adding another one to the link collection. Having spent two years in a relationship with an expert, emotional manipulator that knew all the tricks; having dealt with the patterns in my six-year relationship (especially when confronting him regarding his habitual infidelity); and having had a few, close, female friends that displayed these patterns; it is reassuring to find articles such as this one that let me know that I am not alone, and that there are ways to prevent myself from falling for these tricks in the future.
I think the biggest one for me out of this list was #3: "Crazy making – saying one thing and later assuring you they did not say it." Five years later, and away from PFA-guy; I still question my own sanity and the events regarding the situation. And I guess this goes for the actions of my father during that time, too and his strict denial that I didn't remember things correctly and that I was so far "in the crazy" that I don't remember the events clearly. More than once I have gone to other individuals involved and asked them because yes, between my ex, my father and the other people involved--there were times I began to assume that it had to be me that was not seeing clearly since all of these other individuals were telling me that I was crazy and none of it happened? Thankfully, there were just as many folks that did witness the events, that were a part of the story and have the same recollections that I do. It is amazing (and truly, a bit sad) how we can completely doubt ourselves and the truth when faced with these individuals and their manipulation. Thankfully, toward the end, I did begin carrying a notebook and documenting times, calls, content and other events since everything was being questioned, twisted and was generally chaotic...
#5. "Emotional manipulators fight dirty" was a big one for me, as well. From using my family against me, attempting to turn my employer against me and just all of the underhanded scheming and plotting--that was enough, in itself, to make me feel crazy. Now, I am grateful that the majority of those folks are out of my life, as I see them for their true colors and realize now that they never actually were the people that I thought they were and thought that I loved. At the time, I thought I was losing every person important to me and that mattered in my life. I can think of few things so crippling. And certainly, the sabotaging disguised as support, mentioned toward the end? Another big trick-of-the-trade that will almost certainly leave one doubting themselves, their abilities and giving up on their own potential.
#8. "Emotional manipulators have no sense of accountability." HUGE, HUGE, HUGE!!! Early intimacy and the
perception that they are "very sensitive, emotionally open and
maybe a little vulnerable"? Again, HUGE!!! Run while you can; recognize that you are nothing more than an insect buzzing around one of the most clever and lovely traps you can imagine--you are nothing but prey in their eyes and the dance is all an illusion. "Believe me when I say that an emotional
manipulator is about as vulnerable as a rabid pit bull, and there will
always be a problem or a crisis to overcome"--truer words were never spoken...
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