A Different Beginning

Tonight, he proposed.  I didn't see it coming and am still wandering through the surreal haze of wondering... Wondering so many things. I have had others propose and could never see a future that led to happiness.  Not to mention, the entire concept of marriage has always frightened me more than a little.  I am not sure that I believe in divorce--thereforth, I could not believe in marriage.

Tonight, I said yes and knew in my heart that it is what I want, too.  There was none of the stomach turmoil that has resulted with past proposals; none of the fear that it was a trap; none of the silent screaming that they knew I was ready to run and they were trying to regain control.

Tonight felt right.  The one I can't imagine living without. The one I can't imagine being gone from my life. The one that compliments who I am without trying to shape me into someone else, someone that I can never be. The one that I feel safe with. The one that listens.  The one that allows me to be me and even suggests that she may not be the terrible person everyone else has tried to convince her she was.

Do I think it will be all sunshine and roses? Do I think everything will be easy? I am, and always have been, a realist.  I would not have waited so long if I believed otherwise. Truly, what relationship isn't work? Be it with a friend, a co-worker, a lover--all relationships have their struggles.  I am not so naive to believe that marriage would make things easier. But it is nice to know that my level of commitment is returned.  It is nice to know that he sees in me, the same potential that I see within him.

Would I make a good wife? I don't know. I have never tried that role. I have played house a few times, but my other playmates were never very much fun. This one has been different.  I savor my freedom, my solitude. In the year that we have shared a home, I have discovered that I can be comfortable sharing my space with another human. I truly cannot imagine a home without him in it. And I guess these are the reasons that I suspect it actually could work...