How disappointing to close the door and know that it was our own fault for reopening it. How disappointing to have allowed ourselves to have hope for the best; when we knew in our heart that we were being foolish. Yet we insist on gambling again, with a piece of our self so broken and tattered that we know it is not capable of withstanding the strain. Yet, for some reason, we proceed. Knowing as we do it, that it is our own spirit that we crush; that it is not going to be capable of withstanding this additional blow. Still, we open the door to them, yet again...
Sometimes it is so heartbreaking to accept these things and to have the faith that it is because there is another path getting ready to unfold before us. It is so hard to remember that we are removing toxicity from our life so that light may shine through. It is even more difficult when you feel alone in the heartbreak. It may be one of the most painful experiences possible to know that forgiving them is not an option. How painful to discover that while you ache to have some semblance of a relationship--the healthiest choice is to bar them forever and never look back...
And how many times have I tried? How many times until I can leave the door closed and not look back?
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