Disclaimer:

I know I have mentioned it before, but it felt like that time again...

 

I do not post these blogs for sympathy, pity, vengeance, or any such reason. I post them because journaling has always been a significant coping skill for me.  When I lie in bed at night, trampled by emotions; when I am having a breakdown with breakfast; when my head is spinning in ten thousand different directions; when the internal tornado connects with the internal volcano--writing has always been my purge of choice.  Art, cleaning, kayaking, hiking, reading and other coping skills are also visited frequently; however, writing is the one that helps the demons at bay for the longest...

 

I get it. It is a journal. Why do I have it on public display? Why do I share stories that aren't always complimentary to the people in my life? It's my story.  I am not saying that just because this is how I am sharing it, that all parties involved see it as I do.  I'm sure many individuals would argue up a storm were they to read many parts of this blog.  That's fine.  Still, this is my view. It is my perspective. It is how it is/was seen through my eyes.  I am only noting the truth through my eyes.

 

There is an old blues song: "There are three sides to every story. Mine. Yours. And the truth."

 

This blog is no different and I am well aware of that.  I share it because I know I am not alone.  I share it because maybe somewhere within this is something helpful to another.  Maybe someone else is having similar difficulties or has felt as I do. I know I am not unique.  But I know how it feels to be alone and suffering.  I know how it feels when the people around you don't understand.  I know how it feels when someone dismisses my pain and tells me to "buck up" or "get over it" or when I hear "she must like the abuse or she wouldn't stay." 

 

This blog is to help others understand how it feels to be in these shoes.  This blog is to help me continue to pick myself up by the bootlaces and move forward. My journey. My healing. My method. If it helps someone along the way, better yet.  If it pisses others off along the way, so be it.  It certainly isn't my intention to upset people with what I choose to share; however, I am realistic enough to recognize the potential contained within.

 

"You own everything that happened to you.

Tell your stories.

If people wanted you to write warmly about them,

they should've behaved better."
~Anne Lamott~