Dead Letter Files

Dad,

 

I have no intentions of going back and forth on it either. I was attempting to give you an opportunity to see things from my perspective and to provide an opportunity for communication to exist.  It isn't hatred or bitterness--it isn't living in the past--it was an attempt to fix things and move forward.

"What you see often depends entirely on what you are looking for."

 

I think that applies to the situation then and it applies to the situation now. I can't meet you half way when you are only committed to your own views. Half way means you would meet me or at least try.  So you are right--this is pointless. I am attempting to explain myself to someone that is committed to misunderstanding me and I respect myself enough to recognize that these communications are toxic to me and that I need to let you go completely.

 

In order for us to quit going back and forth, one of us has to stop the communication.  Clearly, that is going to have to be me. There will be no more attempts on my part.

 

I love you, Dad.  But I have a right to try to find happiness and inner-peace in my life.  I had hoped that I could include you in that picture.  I see that I can't and I will continue to try to accept that, much as it hurts. 

 

I am choosing to walk away not because I hate you, not because you are right and I can't accept it, not because I am incapable of forgiving.  I am walking away because I respect myself enough to know that this is toxic and is not going to change. I am walking away because I have to.

 

I know who I am. I can't force you to see that person. Attempting to show you only hurts me. While I began this with the intention of hitting "Reply" when I finished, I am aware that also means that I will have a response back and more pain...