"It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled." ~Mark Twain~
I feel like with this quote, I can pack it up and say blog over. Sadly, it never even occurred to me that for my father to admit that he may have been wrong, in 2010, goes against the grain more than I imagined. I know he isn't capable of being wrong--forty years of knowing him has taught me that. I know he isn't able to say that he is sorry--for that to happen, he would have to feel remorse. To feel remorse, he would have to actually recognize that maybe he was wrong--see the dilemma within? But for him to say that maybe he was scammed and fell for a whole pack of lies? Well, that goes against absolutely everything. Let's put this in perspective:
He would have to admit that he fell for PFA-ex's sob story. That he was only trying to watch out for me and be there for me, but my drug-crazed life-style was making me immune to the gifts of his love. He would have to admit that he misjudged a scofflaw's character and fell for the ruse. There is a certain issue of vanity and pride that prevents this from ever happening.
He would have to admit that his wife steered him astray. Even if it had been unintentional on her part, she is an extension of himself and infallible, as well. This, again, leads back to him questioning himself.
He would have to admit that other family members may have also bamboozled him. Did I mention that he is unable to believe that he is capable of being hoodwinked?
He would have to admit that he called one of his prior, respected, close friends (an ex-state police officer, my defender through the PFA process) a liar and believed that he was wrapped up in drugs, as well. This, again, requires an apology.
He would have to admit that the judge overseeing the PFA process was right--that I wasn't hurting anyone (myself included) and that to persecute me, in addition to what I was already being subjected to, would be inhumane.
That's just a whole lot of admitting he played the fool. Isn't it easier to ignore the concrete evidence showing that he was wrong and just say that somehow I got away with convincing the hospital staff of my innocence and managed to somehow beat the drug tests, blood tests and urine tests? The master mind that I am--such an evil genius--my witchcraft at full work.
But that is what he has always believed, of course. It makes it easier to fall for the lies when you already expect the worst of someone.
It is a heady mix of pride, arrogance, and being played--falling for it--and not knowing how to save face. Instead of admitting that he was fooled; instead of self-analysis; instead of admitting that he is human and not perfect--instead, let us continue to ruin a relationship with someone that loves you despite being aware of all of these traits. Let us continue to attempt to convince her that she was indeed on drugs, that she was indeed crazy; that she just doesn't remember the details of her own life. Yes, that certainly makes more sense.
What a sad, lonely existence it must be.
He would have to admit that he fell for PFA-ex's sob story. That he was only trying to watch out for me and be there for me, but my drug-crazed life-style was making me immune to the gifts of his love. He would have to admit that he misjudged a scofflaw's character and fell for the ruse. There is a certain issue of vanity and pride that prevents this from ever happening.
He would have to admit that his wife steered him astray. Even if it had been unintentional on her part, she is an extension of himself and infallible, as well. This, again, leads back to him questioning himself.
He would have to admit that other family members may have also bamboozled him. Did I mention that he is unable to believe that he is capable of being hoodwinked?
He would have to admit that he called one of his prior, respected, close friends (an ex-state police officer, my defender through the PFA process) a liar and believed that he was wrapped up in drugs, as well. This, again, requires an apology.
He would have to admit that the judge overseeing the PFA process was right--that I wasn't hurting anyone (myself included) and that to persecute me, in addition to what I was already being subjected to, would be inhumane.
That's just a whole lot of admitting he played the fool. Isn't it easier to ignore the concrete evidence showing that he was wrong and just say that somehow I got away with convincing the hospital staff of my innocence and managed to somehow beat the drug tests, blood tests and urine tests? The master mind that I am--such an evil genius--my witchcraft at full work.
But that is what he has always believed, of course. It makes it easier to fall for the lies when you already expect the worst of someone.
It is a heady mix of pride, arrogance, and being played--falling for it--and not knowing how to save face. Instead of admitting that he was fooled; instead of self-analysis; instead of admitting that he is human and not perfect--instead, let us continue to ruin a relationship with someone that loves you despite being aware of all of these traits. Let us continue to attempt to convince her that she was indeed on drugs, that she was indeed crazy; that she just doesn't remember the details of her own life. Yes, that certainly makes more sense.
What a sad, lonely existence it must be.
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