WWTDLD?

I've thought a bit about yesterday's post--I realize that was a pouring out of nastiness, on my end.  I think maybe I just reached that bit where I was pushed over the edge.  One thing that will surely push me out of a relationship--with anyone, be it friend, family or partner--is having my life put on display.  I hate fighting in public. I have a low tolerance for knowing that if someone has an issue with me that they will share it with everyone they know and then attempt to still call me their friend.  And I struggle when knowing that I can't trust someone.  I guess perhaps the friendship that I wrote about yesterday was similar to walking through a field filled with landmines--it was only a matter of time until it blew up in my face.  How does that saying go? "The one that gossips to you, will gossip about you?"  Anyhoo, you get the point.

Clearly, I pulled the post.  Despite what she has done, I still didn't feel right leaving it posted for the world to see.  It was the equivalent of the "angry letter" that you write but never send.  I feel better today for having removed it from my shoulders and heart, yet I still love her enough not to post it.  Sick, huh?  Yeah, this is why I tend to eat a lot of sand.  I still somehow manage to care about and love those that kick me when I am down, that kick sand in my face and basically walk all over me.  Not good traits, not good for survival, but it is who I am and who I have always been.  For those that wonder why we stay in abusive relationships--I sometimes think it is because we love too much, because we forgive our enemies, and because we have a natural tendency to see the wounded and wish to help--blind we are, indeed.